A TRYING WEEKEND
by yogam65
Summary: Max and 99's weekend misadventures when trying to have a baby


Max hurried into the Chief's office with papers in  
  
hand, and dropped them on his desk, "Here, Chief, those  
  
reports you wanted. Well, have a great weekend. Gotta  
  
go."  
  
Max started to hurry out the door but was stopped.  
  
"Hey, wait, Max. What's the rush? How about you and I  
  
stop by the bar next door, and I treat you to a beer?"  
  
Max looked fidgety, "Would love to, Chief, but I need  
  
to get home." Max turned and headed back out the door  
  
until the Chief stopped him again.  
  
"Now what's so important at home that you can't have a  
  
drink with your boss?"  
  
Max stopped at the door and headed back to the desk.  
  
"Well..." Max looked around, then leaned in, close to the  
  
Chief. "It's this way, Chief. 99 and I have been trying  
  
for some time to ..." The Chief's attentions were focused  
  
on Max.  
  
"Well, ... we've been working on ..." Max began to get a  
  
little uncomfortable with the Chief listening so  
  
closely to his explanation.  
  
"Ahhh, ..." Max started to tug on his collar, "99's been  
  
trying to get ...I mean, ...99 and I have been trying to ..."  
  
The Chief was getting one of his headaches just  
  
listening to Max stammer and stall with his explanation.  
  
"Max could you hurry it up or our weekend is going to  
  
be over."  
  
"Oh. Right, Chief." Max decided the best way to tell  
  
the Chief was to just blurt it out.  
  
"99 and I are having sex tonight!"  
  
The Chief put his hand to the bridge of his nose.  
  
"Couldn't you have worded that a bit differently?"  
  
"Oh no, Chief, it's not for fun. We've been trying to  
  
have a baby and, according to the doctor, this weekend  
  
is the perfect time for us to try."  
  
"Sorry I asked," the Chief mumbled.  
  
"Seems her body temperature and the time of month has  
  
something to do with it..."  
  
"Thank you, Max."  
  
"So that's why I can't have that drink with you tonight."  
  
Max leaned in, and whispered to the Chief, "You know, I  
  
haven't gotten any in a whole week."  
  
"Ok Max."  
  
"Doctor told 99 that it increases the chances of her  
  
getting pregnant if I hold off for a while."  
  
The Chief was really getting uncomfortable with this  
  
Conversation. "Ok, Max, I get the picture...I mean ...oh, you  
  
know what I mean!"  
  
"Gotta get started, Chief. Don't want to keep 99 waiting."  
  
The Chief cut him off from any further information.  
  
"Good night, Max," the chief said as he waved Max out  
  
the door. Max waved back to the Chief and headed out  
  
quickly.  
  
Max beat it home as fast as he could, taking out a few  
  
of the neighbor's trashcans with his car as he pulled  
  
in to the garage and tripping over the potted plants  
  
by the apartment entrance.  
  
Max came through the door, threw his briefcase over in  
  
the corner and hurried out of his sport coat.  
  
"99, I'm home!" yelled Max.  
  
"Hello, Love. I'm upstairs," 99 yelled back.  
  
Max smiled as he undid his tie and rushed up the  
  
stairs.  
  
Just as he got to the top of the stairs, the doorbell  
  
rang  
  
"Will you get that, Max?" 99 yelled out to him.  
  
Max was torn whether to get the door or ignore it.  
  
"Do I have to?" Max begged.  
  
"Could be important," 99 replied.  
  
To Max's way of thinking, there were much more  
  
important things on his mind than seeing who was at  
  
the door. The doorbell rang again.  
  
"Oh, alright," Max grumbled as he headed back  
  
downstairs.  
  
Without even looking out the peephole, Max grabbed the  
  
door and threw it open.  
  
"What is it? ..." Max abruptly asked.  
  
Standing before him was a shapely, blond haired, blue  
  
eyed woman.  
  
As if Max wasn't anxious enough, seeing this gorgeous  
  
woman stand before him didn't help matters.  
  
Max started to stutter, "Ahh ...yes, what can I ...ahhh ...  
  
do for you?"  
  
"Hello, my name is Bunny, and I just moved in two doors  
  
down. I wondered if I could use your phone to call the  
  
movers to make sure they can find me."  
  
Max almost tripped over his tongue as he invited her  
  
in.  
  
"I don't know how they could miss you. I mean, ... of  
  
course, come in. The phone is over there."  
  
Max gave one of his signature looks as she wiggled  
  
past him to the phone.  
  
"Max, who is it?" 99 yelled out.  
  
Max was preoccupied with looking over the woman as she was  
  
on the phone. 99, not getting any response, asked again.  
  
"Max? Are you there? Who is it?"  
  
Hearing 99's voice again snapped Max out of his trance.  
  
"Oh, yes. ... Ahhh, just the new neighbor, 99," Max yelled  
  
back.  
  
After Bunny finished with her call, she walked up to Max and stroked  
  
his cheek.  
  
"Thank you so much, you're a darling. Looking forward  
  
to being your neighbor," she purred.  
  
Max grinned as he looked her over, "My pleasure, Body,  
  
I mean, Bunny."  
  
She smiled as she walked out the door and he closed it  
  
behind her. Max blew out a big sigh, which made him  
  
even more anxious to get upstairs.  
  
Max ran up the stairs and into the bedroom. Waiting in  
  
bed was 99. On her nightstand was everything she  
  
needed to record and keep track of their activities  
  
for the weekend: a thermometer, a note pad, vitamins  
  
and a watch.  
  
Upon seeing 99, all ready and waiting, Max quickly  
  
got undressed. While taking off his pants, Max looked  
  
down and tugged on his flimsy cotton boxers.  
  
"99, how much longer do I have to wear these boxers? I  
  
don't have much support. I like my briefs better.  
  
"Not much longer. The doctor told me that you increase your  
  
chances of having a baby by wearing the boxers."  
  
"Well, I hope it's soon. I feel like I'm swimming in these."  
  
Off came the boxers, and Max jumped into bed as quickly  
  
as he could. He snuggled up to 99 as he began  
  
kissing her neck.  
  
"It's been a whole week, and boy am I ready," Max said  
  
as his lips worked their way down her shoulder.  
  
"Do you have to wear this?" Max asked, referring to 99's  
  
cotton nightgown.  
  
"I thought you liked this nightgown."  
  
"Well, I do, but I don't need it now. It's been a whole  
  
week, and it's just gonna get in the way," Max said as he  
  
began to ease it off of her.  
  
"Alright, it's coming off, but I need to take my  
  
temperature and write down the time, first.  
  
"Now?" Max moaned.  
  
"Max, if we are going to do this right, I need to  
  
record this."  
  
"But 99, it's been a whole week," Max cried in a painful  
  
whimper. "Can't this be a practice round?"  
  
"No, it can't. You can hold off a minute more."  
  
Max flopped over on his back and stared up at  
  
the ceiling, "You'd better hurry, or there won't be  
  
anything to record."  
  
99 finished writing down all the pertinent info, then  
  
turned to Max.  
  
"Ok, I'm..." Before 99 could finish her sentence, Max had  
  
her flat on her back.  
  
Suddenly, the phone rang. Max ignored it as he  
  
continued to make love to his wife, but 99 found it to  
  
be a distraction.  
  
She tapped him on the shoulder. "Max, get the phone."  
  
"Forget it," Max said, without missing a beat.  
  
"No, it could be important. Maybe it's the Chief."  
  
"He can wait. I can't," Max mumbled, as his lips nibbled  
  
99's ear.  
  
"Max," 99 said in a pleading tone.  
  
Max knew that if he didn't get it, he wouldn't get 'it'.  
  
Rolling over, he grabbed the phone. "What is it?" Max  
  
asked abruptly.  
  
"Max!" 99 exclaimed, noticing Max's rudeness.  
  
"I mean, hello ...what is it?"  
  
"Hiya, Max. It's Larrabee."  
  
"What do you want, Larrabee?"  
  
99 smiled to herself as she knew just how frustrated Max  
  
gets talking to Larrabee, especially during a time like this.  
  
"Well, my wife is out of town, and I was wondering if  
  
you wanted to go bowling?"  
  
Max's face got red. "Bowling?" Max tried to regain his  
  
composure. "No, Larrabee, I don't want to go bowling.  
  
I'm busy."  
  
99 giggled from Max's response.  
  
"Well, how about 99?"  
  
"She's busy, too," Max replied abruptly.  
  
"Look, it would be fun, all of us together. What could  
  
be more fun than a night of bowling?"  
  
Max got that goofy look over his face as he continued,  
  
"I can definitely think of something more fun than bowling! Thanks,  
  
but no thanks. Like I said, we're busy. Now if you don't mind, I've gotta go."  
  
"Ok, ok, but you don't know what you're missing."  
  
"Yes, I do. Goodbye, Larrabee."  
  
Max hung up the phone. Then, as a second thought, took  
  
the phone receiver off the hook. Max slid back over to  
  
99, and continued where he left off.  
  
30 seconds later, Max was flat on his back with a grin  
  
from ear to ear.  
  
99 reached over for her notebook, "That was pretty  
  
quick, Speedy Gonzalas."  
  
With his eyes closed, Max defended himself, "I told you, it's been a whole week. What do you expect? Don't worry,  
  
you'll get your share."  
  
"Don't wear yourself out too quickly, Superman. We  
  
have all weekend to go."  
  
Max pounded his chest, "Strong, like bull."  
  
"Ah huh," 99 said, as she rolled her eyes.  
  
Over the next several hours, 99 cued Max as to the  
  
next session of lovemaking, each time going through  
  
the routine of taking her temperature and writing down  
  
all the information.  
  
Max was starting to get hungry from all this activity.  
  
"Hey, 99, I'm starving. I'm going down for a sandwich."  
  
As he started to get out of bed, 99 pulled him back in.  
  
"You can't." 99 looked down at the thermometer that was  
  
just in her mouth. "Time to try again. Temp's just  
  
right."  
  
Max got a pained look on his face. "But 99, I'm tired  
  
and hungry. If we missed this one, would it be that  
  
big of a deal?"  
  
"Listen, 'strong like bull', I don't want to miss any  
  
opportunity. This could be the one. If we miss this  
  
chance, then we may not get another for a long while."  
  
"But 99, ..." Max grumbled.  
  
99 looked at Max with her big sad eyes. "Please, Max?"  
  
Max knew he couldn't fight it. "Oh, alright. But let's  
  
make it quick."  
  
"Why would this be any different than the others?" 99 quipped back.  
  
Once again, Max gave a successful performance.  
  
After which he headed downstairs for a sandwich.  
  
After 24 hours of near-continuous lovemaking, Max was  
  
worn out. 99 sat counting the number of times and  
  
checking the stats while Max slept. 99 tried to wake Max.  
  
Out of a dead sleep, Max was startled. "What? What?"  
  
"Time again, Max. Up and atom," 99 said with a smile.  
  
Max couldn't move. He was so exhausted and sore that he  
  
didn't have the energy.  
  
"99, I can't. I'm so tired. Just a few more minutes of  
  
sleep is all I'll need. Anyway, after 14 times, you'd  
  
think something got through."  
  
99 sat up, looking at her notes. "15 times."  
  
"15? No, no, 99, I distinctly remember 14 times."  
  
"Nope. 15, Max."  
  
"99, I should know. I was there, and I'm saying it was  
  
14 times."  
  
"Well, technically, you were."  
  
"What do you mean, 'technically'?" Max asked in a  
  
suspicious manner.  
  
"On Number 12, you were asleep. So, I just ...helped  
  
myself."  
  
"You helped yourself? What is this, ...self-serve?  
  
99, the least you could have done was wake me up."  
  
"I tried, Max, but you wouldn't budge. Soooo, I took  
  
matters into my own hands or hand and well, number 12."  
  
"Oh, very funny, 99. And I missed it? I can just see it  
  
now when our son asks, "when was I born?" and you tell  
  
him, "Don't ask your dad, he doesn't remember."  
  
"Oh Max, don't be ridiculous," 99 chuckled.  
  
"Well...," Max said with a pout. "Was I any good?"  
  
"Fantastic," 99 said, giving Max a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Good, 'cause I'd hate for my record to be tarnished."  
  
Late Sunday came and Max could barely move.  
  
"99, I'm so stiff ... and in all the wrong places. I don't  
  
think I have anymore to give."  
  
"Try to hang in there, Max. Just a few more tries to  
  
make sure."  
  
Suddenly the doorbell rang, and Max slowly got out of  
  
bed. "I'll get it, 99."  
  
Max slowly made his way downstairs and asked who was  
  
at the door.  
  
"It's the Chief," the voice from the other side of the  
  
door replied.  
  
Max opened the door, "Oh hi, Chief, what's up?"  
  
The Chief looked at the well-worn Max and commented,  
  
"By the looks of things, not you."  
  
Max gave a strained 'har dee har har' laugh back at the  
  
Chief. "Very funny, Chief. You didn't come over here  
  
just to tell me that, did you?"  
  
"No, but I need to borrow you for about two hours."  
  
Max perked up. Here was his chance to escape 99 for a  
  
while. "Important assignment huh, Chief?"  
  
"Well, not really. Today was the day that Agent 37 was  
  
giving a deposition for the Hanson Case. Anyway 37  
  
came down with the flu and since you and he worked  
  
together on cracking that case, you need to fill in  
  
for him."  
  
"I'm your man! Let me get dressed."  
  
As Max started up the stairs, 99 came out to see what  
  
was going on.  
  
"Hi, Chief," 99 said.  
  
"Oh hello, 99. I hope all is going well."  
  
"What did Max tell you?" 99 asked suspiciously.  
  
"Nothing, nothing at all," the Chief stammered.  
  
99 could tell the Chief knew more than he was telling,  
  
and shot him a suspicious eye.  
  
"Well, he did tell me about your plans for this  
  
weekend. But not under any fault of Max's. I coaxed it  
  
out of him."  
  
99 started to turn red and looked a bit embarrassed.  
  
"Don't be embarrassed, 99, it's a perfectly natural  
  
thing couples do..."  
  
99 looked up at the ceiling, wishing she were somewhere  
  
else.  
  
I mean, you're trying to have kids and this is..."  
  
The Chief could see he was getting in far too deep and  
  
stopped.  
  
"You know what I mean, 99", the Chief said.  
  
Moments later, Max came downstairs. 99, seeing him  
  
dressed, stopped him in his tracks.  
  
"And where do you think you're going?" 99 asked.  
  
"It's not my idea. The Chief needs me, 99. Very  
  
important meeting."  
  
"Oh Chief, does Max have to go? Can't you get another  
  
agent to fill in?"  
  
"I'm really sorry, 99, but I need Max. He's the only  
  
other agent that can give a deposition for the Hanson  
  
Case. I promise he won't be gone too long. Two hours,  
  
tops."  
  
99 didn't like it, but she knew the job was important  
  
or the Chief wouldn't have asked. "Ok, but hurry back  
  
as soon as you can."  
  
99 kissed Max as he rushed out the door.  
  
Two hours passed as 99 sat patiently waiting for Max  
  
to arrive home. Another two hours passed, and still no  
  
Max. She wondered if he was staying out longer than  
  
intended to get out of his duties.  
  
After 5 hours passed, 99 could hear singing outside in  
  
the corridor. As 99 opened the door, there stood Max  
  
being held up by the Chief. Max looked drunk as he  
  
said hello to 99.  
  
"Hi ya Ninnnner Ninnerty-nine."  
  
"Maxwell Smart, how dare you get drunk! Especially  
  
since you knew I needed you for the rest of the evening!"  
  
The Chief chimed in, "Oh no, 99, he's not drunk. We ran  
  
into a problem at the courthouse. As we were leaving,  
  
a prisoner from another courtroom broke loose and made  
  
a run for it. He ran into us down the hall. As Max  
  
tried to wrestle him to the floor the police came in  
  
and tried to shoot the prisoner with a tranquilizer  
  
dart. It hit Max instead. That's why we're late. He's  
  
been out of it for a few hours now. Doctor told me it  
  
will be another couple of hours, then he'll be ok."  
  
Max leaned into 99 and patted her stomach, "Are you  
  
in there yet?"  
  
"Thank you, Chief. I'll take over." 99 grabbed hold of  
  
Max. She led him to the couch.  
  
"Sorry about this, 99," the Chief said, as he departed.  
  
99 looked at Max, as he started to get up to lead 99 to  
  
the stairs.  
  
"Ok, NineNine, we got some baby makin' to do ... so let's go  
  
do what we need to, go do and do it."  
  
"Not in your condition, Max. You need to sleep it off."  
  
"Nah, I ok ... You know, 'strong like bull'." As Max  
  
pounded his chest, he fell over the ottoman.  
  
"Anybody see that bull?" Max slurred, as he tried to  
  
get up.  
  
"Max, it's ok. You need to get some rest. There will be  
  
plenty of time later ..."  
  
"Don't think I can do it, do you? Well, I'm raring to  
  
go. Just point me in the direction of the bed," Max  
  
said as he tried to find his bearing.  
  
99 thought Max was so cute in his present state. She  
  
had never seen him 'drunk', and felt sorry for him as  
  
she tried to keep him downstairs.  
  
Suddenly, Max got all melancholy and started to sob,  
  
"You don't love me anymore. You don't want to ..."  
  
99 hugged Max and tried to comfort him, "Oh Max, of  
  
course I love you. And trust me, I do want you..."  
  
Before 99 could finish, Max grabbed her and brought her  
  
to the floor. "Ok, let's go!"  
  
Max's dead weight had her pinned down so she couldn't  
  
move. Max tried to make something happen, but was not  
  
coordinated enough in his state.  
  
99 decided to play along, "Oh Max, that was great!"  
  
Max lifted up. "Am I finished?"  
  
"Oh yes, and it was the best yet!"  
  
Max fell for 99's deception.  
  
"Oh, ok. Did I enjoy it, too?"  
  
"Immensely."  
  
"See, told you I could do it."  
  
Max feeing proud, rolled off of 99 and onto the floor.  
  
"See Nine...Nine... I'll just bet that one was the one ..."  
  
Max closed his eyes and slipped off into dreamland as 99  
  
got up, put a pillow under his head, and covered  
  
him with a blanket.  
  
99 smiled as she saw the sweet expression on Max's  
  
face, as he lay sleeping. "Yes Max, that just might  
  
have been the one."  
  
The next morning, Max made his way back upstairs and  
  
sat next to 99 on the bed. "99, wake up."  
  
99 turned and greeted Max with a yawn. "Good morning,  
  
love."  
  
Max looked rather embarrassed, not knowing what  
  
happened last night. "Gee, 99, I'm sorry. I know this was  
  
important for you, and I guess I blew it."  
  
"Oh Max, it wasn't your fault. I understand," 99 said  
  
as she stroked his cheek. And anyway, I'm glad you're ok."  
  
"I'm fine. So how do you think we did?"  
  
99 grabbed her notebook, and looking it over replied,  
  
"I think we did just fine."  
  
Max sweetly kissed 99, gently on her lips, "So, do I  
  
..., mommy."  
  
One month later, while on assignment, 99 announced, "I'm  
  
gonna have a baby, Max!" To which Max replied, "A baby!?"  
  
and proceeded to run through a concrete wall. 


End file.
